On a day where most Jayhawk fans are likely waking up hungover beyond my wildest dreams, I offer up the following bit of relief.  Now, they can look forward to football again without the likes of the Mr. LARGE and no-longer-in charge.

WARNING: The following blog post is random, explicit, and somewhere in between hilarious and horrendous. If you didn’t hate Mark Mangino already, you likely will after watching the following. Notice the “%$#*ing hotdog” reference and look at who it’s coming from. ‘Nough said.

Mike Leach says he’s ready to coach again according to multiple sources. This is how he came to that decision.

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Deep in the belly of Hog’s Breath Saloon sat a bitter, middle-aged man who talked about the good ol’ days of being a head coach for one of the hottest universities in the country. He recalled his massive win against Texas, his quarterbacks throwing for 17,000 per game, the sheer size of the universities electrical closet, and how good things were down in Lubbock.

After taking a big sip of his Diet RC mixed with Red Dog, mixed with vodka, topped off with a splash of Old Grand Dad, Mike Leach walked out of the Key West bar and into the streets.

Wandering, Leach thought about where things went wrong and how much he would like to hit each of the James family members with a Louisville Slugger. Repeatably.

Finally he realized it while robbing an old lady who was asking for his autograph. “I need to coach again.”

Perhaps it was the the multiple purse hits to his head, or the fact that he had drank too many of his favorite, delicious cocktails. Either way, he knew he was ready.

After taking one of the hundred dollar bills, lighting it on fire and smoking it, he thought about young Adam James and what he was doing. In a sick way he felt bad for James, I mean he’s only just a kid, right? Although he hated how things went down, James and his father were simply sticking up for themselves. His anger was very apparent as he pinched his own nipples much harder than usual.

“Texas Tech, a joke of a program anyways,” he shrugged. “Good luck with Taylor Potts, Tubberville.” He ripped off a quick cart wheel and followed it up by a few jumping jacks, feeling much better after thinking it through.

Forget them, he thought. I can do better.

A child wearing a Texas Tech shirt walks slowly up to Leach with Sharpie in hand.

“Mr. Leach, I know you’re not the coach at Tech anymore, but it would mean a lot if you would sign my shirt.” The boy said,  while he looked back over his shoulder and smiled at his parents.

Leach cracked a smile and suddenly it all set in. It wasn’t about the money, the players, the rivalry games, or even the boosters who would take him out for ice cream after a big win. It was about the millions of kids that looked up to him, and WANTED him to be their coach.

He signed the side of the boy’s face just like he asked, and while the boy’s eyes began to tear up, Leach knew this was because he had just met his idol.

As the boy ran off, Leach felt the desire and energy to coach return to him and he tackled a golden retriever in excitement and screamed in Portuguese. The Key West crowd looked briefly, then looked back after realizing who was yelling.

Without thought, Leach sprinted towards the pier, put on his  goggles, ripped off all his clothes, and dove into the ocean. Although he landed directly on his stomach, he quickly began doing the butterfly as he looked out to sea.

“World, Mike Leach is ready to coach again. Get ready.”

Florida’s Pro Day has come and gone, and while the Tim Tebow roadshow was somewhat docile due to poor weather conditions, he and his revamped throwing motion were not the biggest story of the day. The “experts” had mixed reviews of the h-back, opps, I mean quarterback, but overall many felt that this was a step in the right direction for the Gators very own. While newsworthy, it still took a backseat.

So it had to be cornerback Joe Haden then, right? I mean, this is the guy that absolutely Enroned at the Combine and went from a top ten pick to a potential 2nd rounder. Well, actually no. Haden by the way did turn in a solid workout and solidifed his top corner status in most scouts eyes. Again, nice story but not THE story.

And then there’s Urban Meyer and his return to college football. I mean this has to be it. The quiet Meyer was merely an observer at the Gator pro day, and as much as everyone would like to make a giant story out of this, we all knew he was going to be coaching the Gators before April back in February. Hence the recruiting class from god. But nope, not him either.

While Tebow, Haden, and Urban are all huge draws normally, the story today was actually Brandon Spikes and more specifically his horrendous 40-times. If you thought the eye-gouging was enough to drop the Gator linebacker a few rounds, then you might want to slide him down a handful more. Spikes ripped off 40s that many timed above 5 seconds. Ouch. That hurts your pockets BIG TIME. Most offensive lineman shoot to get below 5 seconds, in fact, Maryland freak o-lineman Bruce Campbell ran a 4.82. He’s much, much larger than Spikes and shouldn’t be running faster than one of the nations best thought-to-be linebackers. And Campbell wasn’t alone. There were other 315 plus players that ran faster than Spikes which really is flat out embarrassing.

Which begs the question, folks. Who (or what) is Brandon Spikes slower than? We’ve got answers to that question.

A LOT OF SLOPPY LINEMAN.

THIS GUY

THIS SPEED DEMON

THESE AMAZING COUGARS

THIS TASTY SNACK.

HIM.

THIS.

AND FINALLY… TERRANCE CODY (actually scratch that, there’s no way in $#%^ he’s slower than him)