Gators Are Gettin’ Physical(s)

The man who called us internet folk “scumbags” less than a week ago is concerned about his assistant coaches’ stress levels. While we could stop the blog right there, we must go on.

Urban Meyer resigned then quickly unresigned citing health concerns brought on mainly by high stress. He took some time off, avoided hittin’ the recruiting road, traveled the world, and hopefully found his inner Zen.

This health scare has prompted Meyer to get his assistant coaches the works when it comes to checking their overall health.

Meyer forced his crew to take “executive physicals” which included: blood panels, stress tests and full physicals just like you and I get each and every year. cough, cough, gentlemen

Although I can’t imagine that working under Urban would be anything but stress free, his coaches now have each had their hoods popped opened and examined to see if they are fit (literally) to work under Meyer.

I’d never had one like that before,” co-defensive coordinator Chuck Heater said Tuesday at Florida’s annual media day. We can assume this involved a cardboard cutout of Les Miles, an actual diorama of Ryan Mallett’s shoulder, and a do’s and don’ts picture book written by Carlos Dunlap.

“I made our staff; it’s nonnegotiable,” Meyer said. ”We’re going to take this day and we’re going to take care of some business here.”

Doesn’t that sound nice, gang? A MANDATORY stress test and physical to see if you are able to perform at your current level under one of the most demanding personalities in the country? Urban Meyer: one of few people that can make a run-of-the-mill physical centered around diagnosing stress, stressful.

Instead of getting physicals, perhaps the Gators should focus on better ways to deal with the everyday issues of being a football coach at one of the nation’s top school.

Instead of “getting physicals” (notice the “s”) perhaps Urban and his crew should “Get Physical!”

(Lights dim, Urban walks out with a microphone wearing his finest hipster wear, the following ensues)