Tailgating Dos and Don’ts: Version 2.0

Kegs ‘n Eggs is now a year old, everyone!

Crowd slowly applauses, people look around at each other, most have no idea what the hell Kegs ‘n Eggs is but they smile and clap anyways.

To celebrate our 1-year anniversary, I took a trip down memory lane in hopes of revamping one of my favorite blog posts/topics of all-time – Tailgating. Last year, I debuted with some dos and don’ts when it comes to gameday prep and hope to build off the momentum we started last year.

Amid conference turmoil, season predictions, sanction and more, tailgating remains the sacred epicenter of college football that gives us the force to give Saturdays our all. (Imagine James Earl Jones narrating this to you while giving Hook ‘em Horns and pounding a PBR <— Ahhhh, much better).

Thanks to everyone that has stopped by in the past year. Here’s to you and a new season on the horizon. Raise glass (actually it’s a lukewarm Ice House).

Cheers.

DO: Set your alarm clock for that Saturday morning at least three times. You’ll likely be hungover, so plan a few precautionary snoozes accordingly.

DON’T: Don’t go hog wild with the hard stuff too early. A Bloody Mary or even a good morning shot of your favorite liquor is a fine idea. Anything more early on can force the finest tailgaters into an early retirement. You have all day to make poor decisions. Make sure you make it all day.

DO: Bring more than enough tailgating materials for you, your group, and stragglers. There will always be stragglers, folks. Don’t let someone’s lack of preparation ruin yours. Instead, be the champion that you are and hand that awkward guy in the corner a beer and a pat on the bat.

DON’T: Counting on making a late day beer run is asinine. Not buying enough of tasty goodness can ruin weekends. I cannot stress this enough, don’t come up short when it comes to beverages.

DO: Bring a football. If you didn’t know that, “DO” punch yourself in the groin.

DON’T: Making food “the” priority versus a good stomach base is a classic mistake. 1) Don’t buy some vintage/expensive meat that you make at  family gatherings. And 2) Eating too much can take out a good chunk of the day due to heartburn.

DO: Dress Code Ethics: I am open when it comes to apparel. Old school helmets, obscene outfits, etc – but make sure you’re built to sustain the weather. Too much clothing can be deadly early on in the football season so be wary.

DON’T: Please God don’t go shirtless. We get it, you have a 6-pack. Now, kindly go fail miserably hitting on freshmen talent and fade away into the tailgating oblivion. There’s no room for this kind of DON’T.

DO: Know your fight songs, people. Holding up one arm and mumbling might seem like your fitting in, but I’ll target you from a mile away.

DON’T: Puking isn’t a topic people like, but we’re not afraid. There’s nothing wrong with sneaking off somewhere and taking care of business if you have to. If you do take this route, DON’T act like you’re God afterwards and don’t go into lame mode.

DO: On that note, gum is a always a good idea.

DON’T: Forgetting chairs might not sound like something you would do, but I see this at almost every tailgate. Just like beverages, every person should have a chair, stool, inflatable couch, or full beer case to sit on to  keep legs fresh.

DO: At one point in the day, or even the season, try and kick an empty beer can through a miniature field goal. There might not be anything more fun than this on the entire planet.

DON’T: Getting tackled over a cooler, even if it’s all in good fun, isn’t a good way to keep a good tailgate going. After all, you could get John Deere’d to an Iowa Hospital and miss the first half of a HUGE football game getting x-rays. #learnfromourmistakes

DO: Shotguns. Not the gun, the art of using your keys to create a small hole in your beer can and chug. For the true man, try a Teen Wolf. Bite the hole in your can and chug in the same fantastic motion.

DON’T: Beer bongs. They take up space, there’s a 75% chance you’ll lose it, plus think about all the mouths that could be entering the equation. #playitsafe

DO: Charge your phones. If you or someone you know “makes a game extra interesting,” you’ll need those cell phone bats, folks. Plus, if you get stranded at 2 AM wandering around campus, this could be your lone life line when you come out of your blackout.

DON’T: Fighting cannot be tolerated at tailgates. They’re distracting and could end the day quickly if bike cops pedal over at the wrong time. You don’t need to be maced at a tailgate unless it’s for a bet. Then, well, consider it.

DO: Be friendly, perhaps overly friendly. The season is too short and the offseason is too long to act like an anus. You are likely at one of the largest parties in the country, have more fun than you should and celebrate this glorious day with anyone that looks approachable.

DON’T: Even yours truly has committed plenty o’ tailgating DON’Ts. Take this photo below. 1 AM, Iowa City Bar, in the midst of ending a glorious/hard fought day, and I throw up a Hook ‘Em Horns while wearing a glorious Fred Russel jersey? Not to mention that I tried, keyword here is “tried” to look like a bad ass. WTF was I doing? Learn from my mistakes and turn off all cameras after 7 PM, aka the time where things start to spiral out of control. FACEPALM.

DO: Enjoy the season, gang. It’s almost here and I cannot wait to get things going. Have fun, be safe, tune in here when you want a brief batch of informative (debatable) entertainment, and let’s do it up right in 2010.

College football is 2 weeks away…