Many might consider the TaxSlayer.com Gator Bowl the lowlight of January 2nd’s magnificent slate of college football games. Not so fast, my friend. Remember how good that whole Game of the Century thing was and how much you loved it? You didn’t? Well in any event, who needs all those points when you have two teams that clearly believe scoring large amounts of points is obnoxious and wasteful.
Some of you may watch this game because you’re a fan of either team. Others may tune in because you’re financially invested in the game. And some of you might watch because you’re a college football junkie and you don’t give a damn of bad this game could be. Regardless of your stance on this situation, we’re here to make the game for exciting courtesy of a drinking game. That’s right, a DAY-drinking game, and we won’t judge you if you partake. Hell, we’ll join you because it’s the most awesome college football day of the year and because this game (fan or not) should be partnered with copious amounts of alcohol.
Keep in mind: The over/under on this game should likely be set at 10 (it’s actually at 44, which is insane) and the field is going to be a mess. The Jaguars and Colts played on this exact turf on Sunday and it was bad for them. Get a couple of offensive-challenged teams involved a day later and you’re looking at a fight to the death with a plastic fork on ice.
Craig James was supposed to call this game – but he’s obviously not – which is news enough to get celebratory day drunk anyway.
And away we go…
Drink One each time Nelly is on your television. Those of you are who 2011-2012 bowl vets should know this drill by now.
Drink One when a player slips on the turf or the field conditions are referenced. It’s probably going to be bad, so just prepare your esophaguses accordingly.
Drink One when John Brantley throws an arm punt. For those unfamiliar with the term, just assume a pass qualifies if it’s over 15 yards and it touches an Ohio State player.
Drink One when the 2007 Ohio State/Florida national championship game is mentioned, drink two if they throw in a basketball championship reference. Double that if there’s somehow a graphic involved, because we love graphics.
Drink One when Tim Tebow is mentioned. MOTHER OF GOD.
Drink One when the terms “Bowl Ban,” “Sugar Bowl,” or “Tattoos” are mentioned.
Drink One for every fifth time “Urban Meyer” is mentioned (we’re not trying to kill you after all). If Urban’s offensive “system” is brought up, drink another. If they talk about Urban’s recruiting success, go ahead and take one more.
Drink One if an “SEC” chant breaks out. If a “Big Ten” chant somehow breaks out, just go ahead and finish your whole fridge.
Drink One if/when this game is refereed to as the “Urban Bowl.” You’ve made this joke on Twitter for a month, we assume their “sources” will pass along this opportunity.
Drink one for every touchdown. Sure, why not. It’s a celebration after all and it’s better than being at work. Not sure how exhausted this rule will be, but what the hell.
And finally, Drink One if that awful, awful Hyundai commercial comes on. It’s worth drinking through.
Keep in mind that “One” is a sip, not a beer. I know how you SEC folks roll and it’s both hilarious and terrible that I need to be specific with this.
Please feel free to add your own. All thoughts, entires and ideas are certainly welcome.
Happy Bowlmas, everyone.