The NFL Combine was the start of the farewell tour. The NFL Draft is where we part ways with this year’s crop of college football’s finest. Don’t cry, y’all. Actually you can cry, we don’t judge here.
The players you’ve watched, rooted for and tailgated because of are graduating and will now be paid (“but they’re already getting paid,” said the man sitting by himself in the back listening to his Zume), to do what they love. After this weekend, the term “student athlete” will be a distant afterthought for those selected in the seven rounds of the draft, and these players will no longer be a part of our college football landscape.
Well, I suppose there’s only one thing left to do to give them the proper sendoff. Drink for them. All of them.
Welcome to the 2012 NFL Draft Drinking Game. Pull up a chair.
Drink one for all on-stage bro hugs. If this bro hug includes a player lifting the other person off the ground, make it two. If the hug and/or handshake is flubbed, make it three. And if the bro hug is extra violent and bro huggy – and you will know it when you see it – drink five and hug the nearest bro.
Drink one when the following draft lingo is mentioned: steal, reach, upside, raw, burst, motor, athlete, or freak. In all honesty, I could list probably forty or fifty more items here, but I don’t want anyone dead.
Drink one for all trades. If you think a team is giving up too much in that trade, and they most certainly will, make it two. If a player is somehow involved in the trade (and seriously this like never happens) make it five. There’s no good reason to be drinking for a business transaction between two teams, then again there’s no good reason not to, either.
Drink one for all awkward green room shots of players waiting to be drafted. Have no fear, young man that is currently losing millions of dollars. The entire world knows your miserable thanks to cameras focusing in on your every disappointment. We’ll hold up out glasses in your honor.
Drink one if/when a player cries when he is drafted. Seeing grown men made of steel show raw (drink!) human emotion is a beautiful thing. I don’t blame them for crying, in fact, this is a social in their honor.
Drink one when Mel Kiper’s hair moves. Tricked ya, IT NEVER MOVES. Drink one if you fell for it.
Drink one when New York fans decide to boo. It doesn’t matter who they boo, why they boo, or when they boo, and they will most certainly boo. If a negative chant breaks out following said boos, make it two once you’re done making fun of the man still wearing the Wayne Chrebet jersey that hasn’t been washed since ‘04.
Smoke one Drink one when Vontaze Burfict is drafted. If he goes undrafted, smoke two drink two and tackle the nearest object. Don’t forget to hit it after the whistle.
Drink one for all promos coming back from the commercial. The top players will be shirtless, lifting tires (maybe), running, throwing and catching and by the end of the weekend you will have seen them all 400 to 500 times.
Drink one each time a player thanks God upon being drafted. It seems weird drinking to ‘God’ mentions, but then again you didn’t complain about drinking to shirtless dudes (see: above rule). And why would you.
Drink one when the term “character issue” surfaces. When you complete your sip, drink one more because you, too have character issues for playing a drinking game during the NFL Draft. The NFL rewards character detriments by reducing guaranteed bonuses, we just hand out more drinks.
Drink one for all linemen wearing suits that absolutely do not fit them. Some will be WAY to big, some might rip when they go for a high-five. Being 335 pounds and dressing up is tough (I would assume). Make sure this sip is extra classy.
Drink one because Les Miles is doing draft coverage. Simple and to the point.
And, as always…