A Moment with Houston Nutt and Ron Zook, CFB’s Dream Studio Team

So this is happening. This is not a test. Ron Zook and Houston Nutt will sit in the same room and analyze college football on national television. That’s not a tornado siren you hear in the distance, it’s your brain processing all of this information at once without exploding through your ears.

If you were wondering if CBS has a sense of humor, I believe they just answered that with this magnificent tag team of college football minds.

CBS Sports Network announces Houston Nutt will serve as studio analyst this year. He’ll be joined by Ron Zook.

— Brandon Marcello (@bmarcello) August 14, 2012

Studio Host: “Welcome back, today we’ll get a live look-in at some of today’s biggest games and give our picks for-“ 

[Ron Zook falls out chair breaking it. The host pauses until Zook gets another chair.]

Studio Host: “Well, today there are some big matchups out there, guys. Which games do you-“

[Zook falls out of chair again. The broken chair is moved and he’s now standing at the desk because they are all out of chairs. The show is 20 seconds in.]

Houston Nutt: “Well, giggity. I’ve got my eyes on Alabama and Arkansas, because hogs and elephants and oh my, what a game!”

[Houston Nutt gets out of his chair and walks out of the room mid-segment. He high-fives a cameraman on his way out. The host looks around confused but continues on.]

Studio Host: “Ron, you know plenty about playing in big games early on in the college football season. How do you approach these games? Is there anything you do differently?”

Ron Zook: “I punt.”

[Awkward silence]

Studio Host: “Yes, of course you do. But what about prepping for the game and getting your team up for the moment? Is there anything you do differently during the game week?”

Ron Zook: “We practice punting and no.”

[More awkward silence]

Studio Host: “OK, well, we’re certainly excited about today’s batch of games, and we know you are as well. It’s not just about Alabama and Arkansas, however. There are also-“

[The studio door flies open and Houston Nutt walks back in with a full cooked turkey, a cowboy hat and a bottle of Gentleman’s Jack. His pants are also missing.]

Studio Host: “Uh, as I was saying, there are some marquee games on the slate today, and you’ll be glued to the TV from now until mid-“

[Nutt sits back down and throws the turkey on the desk. It makes an obnoxious sound and the front of the desk cracks right down the middle. He then begins eating it with his bare hands.]

Houston Nutt: “Hey Zookie, why you standing, buddy?”

Ron Zook: “I broke my chairs.”

Houston Nutt: “Well, damn. Here Zookie, have a drink. You’ll likely need it for all that standin’ around!”

[Nutt slaps his own knee while laughing at his own joke. He then attempts to slide the bottle of Gentleman’s Jack over to Zook like you see in the movies. It makes its way about 3 feet across the desk and then falls and shatters.]

Houston Nutt: “Ah, giggity.”

Studio Host: “Well, I…I think we need to take a commercial break, but when we come back we’ll check in on some of the tailgates around the country and figure out-“

Ron Zook: “You play to punt, I said. TO PUNT.”

[Ron Zook then sits Indian style on the now crumbling desk. The Studio Host looks very confused but continues.]

Studio Host: “We’ll…we’ll try and determine some of the day’s biggest potential upsets and-“

[Houston Nutt attempts to throw a turkey leg in Zook’s direction and it hits a nearby cameraman in the face. He is down on the ground in tremendous pain.  Zook runs over to his and pulls out a first aid kit that he has apparently been keeping under his suit jacket the whole time.]

Studio Host: “And we’ll be right back, stay tuned.”

[As the camera pans out for a commercial, Houston Nutt heads out the room once again. He trips over a nearby camera wire which he couldn’t see carrying his gigantic turkey and the screen goes black.]