There are plenty of tools out there, but there aren’t many that can say that they are THE biggest tool. Well, up into this point there are none, because this is our first segment but you get what I’m saying.

In what will be a Thursday tradition from this point on, we are awarding Urban Meyer the first ever Tool of the Week award. (Loud applause, confetti falls, Tim Tebow and Urban Meyer exchange ass pats, etc).

Tool of the Week considerations include: Being a massive a-hole, embarrassing yourself on a local or national level, coming off as a “tough guy” or bully, doing something incredibly stupid on or off the field from a mental or physical standpoint, and finally committing a crime/violation and getting caught.

Looking at our first winner, he exhibits many of the following traits.

Meyer got into it with a reporter at spring practice today and came off like a bully looking for your Milk money. His heart didn’t explode<——-BONUS, but he really had no right to confront Orlando Sentinel reporter Jeremy Fowler the way he did.

This stemmed from the quote earlier this week from his wideout that referred to John Brantley a real quarterback, thus taking a big, steamy dump on Tebow’s legacy. Meyer was upset with how the whole thing went down, and has more or less accused the reporter of taking things and running with it.

Sticking up for teammates = good. Calling a reporter a “bad guy” and trying your scare tactics on him in a public setting = FAIL/TOOL.

Let us not forget the whole retiring, not retiring, away from the Gators for four days leave of absence. While I hate to involve more than one boner action when crowning the Royal Tool, Urban Meyer is an exception in week 1.

We will provide a better video once it hits YouTube, but for now let’s congratulate Urban on being one hell of a tool, and out first TOOOOOOOOOOL OF THE WEEK.